I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
