Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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