i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
