Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
