i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
