i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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