guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i love accidental penises.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
