When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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