Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
