I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
