Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
