the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
