I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
