He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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