The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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