There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
