Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
