Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
