I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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