I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
