Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
