I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come on in and take your pants off
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