Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
