why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dicks are not precious.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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