Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
