went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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