I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
