need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
