Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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