I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Green mimosas i think yes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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