you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
