So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
