I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
