I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
