Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
