I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
