Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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