Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
