My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
