Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
