just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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