The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
