So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize