Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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