The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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