this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
