apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
