I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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