I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
