I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
worst night to have a conscience
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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