I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
