I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
