whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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