I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
