I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
