I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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